Expect less.

I am still in WV riding out the flooding that is continuing to occur in Craven County, NC. The mandatory evacuation is still in place (even though a large number of people are already returning) and the flooding is expected to worsen over the next several days due to the continued rain. The animal clinic does not have power, so I am assuming my house does not have power since I live so close by. I am attempting to not return until power is back on to keep Milo safe. He needs his air conditioned oasis. But really, chinchillas are very prone to heat stroke, so keeping them in a controlled environment is very important. NC heat with no air conditioning would not go well. So, for now, I'm hanging out. Hopefully will return sometime this week based on how things go. I assumed I would not be returning until the mandatory evacuation had been lifted, but what do I know? I'm also presuming that my house had no flooding based off what others in the area are saying and the flooding seems to be mostly downtown. We'll see when I return. Prayers to all those affected by the flooding and for my new little town to recover. <3

So, today someone disappointed me. I won't go into specifics, but suffice it to say I was disappointed. It's tough when you are expecting more from someone (especially with my past) and you seemingly get let down. Over the past several years, I have really tried to practice self reflection. With this self reflection, comes the opportunity to realize some of my own negative traits. I have realized that I have the potential to expect A LOT of those around me and sometimes to even have unrealistic expectations that cannot be met. I am fully aware that I have a bit of a Type A personality and often perfectionist tendencies. So, I have really tried (especially lately) to learn to let some of these unrealistic expectations go and not put as much pressure on others. This also applies to me personally, as I am often extremely hard on myself and have unrealistic expectations for myself. However, I think I'm having more success with being easier on others than myself. [Work in progress]. Anyway, I'm constantly asking myself if my disappointment is fair and whether I am expecting too much of a person in different situations. What helps in these situations, is having someone to talk to. Often, that person for me is my best friend since oh FOREVER. We have a close enough relationship that if I am being crazy or unrealistic, she says so. And the same applies for her. In this instance, she felt that my disappointment was deserved. So a part of this "new life" I am living includes looking out for numero uno first and foremost. I'm not great at that. With this disappointment today, I'm attempting to just let it go and what comes from it is not my concern. How others choose to handle situations is also not my concern. However, if I continue to be disappointed or if I am unhappy with a situation, I have the ability and right to change it. Sounds incredibly simple...not so simple for me. So we'll see how it goes. In the meantime, I want to give more and expect less and continue to attempt to better myself every day.

So beyond that, there are a few other things that have been on my mind today. Bear with me and my wordiness.

First off, parents support your children. I recently read a novel by a psychiatrist that discussed just how important your parents/upbringing are in how you behave/decisions you make as an adult. I do not have children, nor do I plan on having children, but I do suspect that I would make every effort to support my children and make them feel loved and SAFE. Bullying your child is never okay. Using scare tactics on your child is never okay. Even when we are adults, we still look to our parents for validation and approval. I am 27 years old and I have a HUGE problem with seeking my parents' approval and feeling guilt when I KNOWINGLY stray from what they believe to be "right." Just because you, as a parent, do not understand what your child is doing or what they believe or the lifestyle they are choosing to lead does NOT give you the right to belittle them or tell them outright hateful things. (P.S. This does not stem from anything my parents have done recently just FYI- because I know that's what everyone will assume, haha.) On the flip side, children have to eventually stand up to their parents. And I don't mean "stand up" in an overtly aggressive sense. By stand up, I mean just leaving the nest. Living your own life. Doing what you want. Making decisions based off what you want and feel rather than what your parents want for you. It is hard. Knowing that I am obviously not living the life my parents want for me and knowing they are embarrassed about certain aspects of my life-yeah, that's hard. But, in the end, it is about MY happiness. If I am happy, then that is what matters. My parents' happiness should not be based on what I am choosing to do or WHO I am choosing to love. So, one rant over.

Second, LIVE YOUR LIFE. Take the harder route. Make a decision, be brave, and DEAL with the consequences. Part of being an adult, is making big girl (or boy) decisions. No, it isn't easy. No it isn't pretty sometimes. Sometimes the aftermath is downright ugly. BUT, JUST DO IT. Living scared and waiting for the "right time" usually leads to a stagnant life. Don't get me wrong, I am as guilty of this as the next person. But, with experiences that I have had in my life, I have realized just how important it is to go after what you want. Standing up for what you believe in is SO important. Standing up for someone you love is SO important. When someone loses faith in you or is consistently disappointed in you, you can't gain that trust back. If you love someone, you should be concerned with their wellbeing and how situations are going to affect them. YOUR decisions are going to affect THEIR lives. So think about things you do and decisions you make. If you hate something about your life, CHANGE IT! Man, change is hella scary. But, in the end, it is usually worth it. It would have been so much easier for me to have stayed at my job OR moved somewhere closer OR not moved at all...and so on and so forth. But guess what, I am so much happier now. And if I am not happy at this job, you best believe I'll be finding another job. (I suspect I'll be pretty happy at this job though lol). One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone complains, complains, complains, but never changes a damn thing about their situation. I get it, change is hard. And sometimes, change isn't immediately attainable, but work toward a goal. Make small changes that lead to a big change. Do something! ...or stop complaining. And understand that if you are in my life, I am getting to a no nonsense state of my life. You either are in or you're out. You either treat me right or you don't. I've spent far too many years spending time and giving myself to friends, lovers, family that don't ever return the favor. Anyway, that's enough ranting for one evening I suppose. Now for a cathartic glass of wine.