I've never really been one to make resolutions. I see the logic and appeal of starting fresh and the new year being the perfect time to start working toward a goal. I guess I never sat down and really thought "what do I specifically want to accomplish this year?" I can see how that would be a beneficial habit to have. I've obviously had goals through my 28 years...get in to vet school, finish vet school, get a job...most of them resolving around school and a career. And I think we all have some of the same generic goals...get fit/stay fit, lose weight, eat healthy, be happy, find success, find love, etc. etc.
So, obviously, in normal Jenny fashion, I didn't come up with any formal resolutions for 2019. But, definitely all those generic resolutions (previously listed) apply. When I think of what I specifically want for 2019, I can't really think of anything definable. I obviously want to be happy and successful. I want to make time to travel. I want to be healthy. I want to grow as a veterinarian and learn new skills. I want to spend time with friends and family. Go to the beach as much as possible. All pretty standard stuff right?
I saw a post on IG before the end of the year that I really liked. It had 9 questions to ask yourself before the end of the year (see below). I planned on writing a post addressing these questions and doing some self reflection before the start of 2019, but you know...life. So, 18 days into the new year...here we go!
1. What happened this year that I'm grateful for?
Oh gosh. There are so many things. I try so hard to be thankful for this beautiful life I live, but boy do I fail. God has blessed me with so, so much and I fail every day at being grateful like I should be. Let's just go for it. I'm so very grateful for my new position at CAH. I learned so much at my last position, but I just wasn't happy and felt under appreciated. I think with time, we forget how much we struggled through a situation, but boy was I unhappy. I think my friends and family can vouch for that. Sorry guys, haha! I'm grateful for my friends and family who got me through the ups (and downs!!) of 2018. I'm grateful for little Hops coming into my life at the time he did...and now he's the bestest little cat and he's got everybody's heart. I'm grateful for Hannah...she was there through the job drama, relationship drama, and the (not so midlife) crisis. I'm grateful for all the "Come-to-Jesus" moments that happened this year: with my family, with friends, with my job, with relationships...just all of it. I'm in a better place now and I'm happy and I am grateful for that. I've never felt so unapologetically me and that is an amazing thing.
2. What hard things did I overcome this year?
Well, we know about the job situation. So I won't harp on that anymore. I overcame a 4+ year relationship ending and finding out someone you thought you knew...isn't really someone you knew. I overcame losing my best friend and significant other all in one fell swoop. I overcame (still overcoming) friends you think you know stabbing you in the back. I hate being dramatic, but I can't think of a better way to enunciate all that ish. I overcame having to turn down a job I was so excited for due to personal issues. I overcame the fear of moving away and starting fresh.
3. What did 2018 teach me?
2018 taught me that I have a support system that continues to be there for me, even if they maybe don't exactly agree with all aspects of my life. 2018 taught me that just because I have certain values doesn't mean my significant other or friends or family will have those same values. 2018 taught me that the way I was raised really shaped my expectations for how I expect to be treated- and how I treat others. 2018 taught me that people can surprise you in good ways...and bad. 2018 taught me that maybe my "trust issues" are not so misguided. 2018 taught me that no matter how hard shit gets...you WILL get through it.
4. Who positively impacted my life this year?
My mom and dad. They have always supported me. But this year, they went above and beyond. Let's be real...I'm their problem child- but, they just keep on loving me. I will never forget near my dad's birthday (during my post-breakup depression days), my mom asked my dad what he wanted and he replied "for Jenny to be happy" with tears in his eyes. That will never, ever leave me. I know I cause them a lot of heartache and worry, but to me it means the world that they just continue to be there for me and show unconditional love.
5. How am I different from the person I was in January?
Phew, I feel so different. My mom mentioned to me when I was home for Christmas that I just seemed "different." Like I was happier and just at peace. And I don't think there's any better way to describe it. I feel happy and at peace with myself and my life. Of course, there's always junk- everyone's got their stuff going on. But, my underlying happiness is still there. I feel older and stronger and wiser. I do feel like I have built up a reservoir of issues that I very well should be seeing a therapist for (trust issues anyone?).
6. What relationships do I need to strengthen this year?
I need to strengthen my relationship with all of my sisters and parents. I know this will be difficult with me being in NC, but I don't want to let distance come between us. I need to stay in better touch with my friends. I need to strengthen friendships here in NC. I need to be supportive and patient while Hannah is doing her BLET training and our schedules are wonky.
7. What do I need to stop doing?
I need to stop comparing things that have happened in my past to my "now." I need to stop caring so much what other people think and just be me. I need to stop being such an OCD perfectionist and understand that I'm not perfect and neither is anyone else. I need to stop thinking worst case scenario. I need to stop putting so much pressure on myself all the time.
8. What do I need to start doing?
I need to trust people more completely. I need to move forward and completely forgive those who have wronged me. I need to take the time to do things I enjoy.
9. What do I need to continue doing?
I need to continue attempting to be self aware and continue practicing self reflection. I need to continue taking risks and taking chances- sometimes they really do pan out. I need to continue to be open to love and let others love me.
So, that's it folks. Hope it wasn't too unbearable. Hope you have also reflected on the past year and thought about ways to improve yourself for the rest of 2019!
P.S. Heard this song today and hot dayumm...love. Take a listen.
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